The Well-Built Pie

King Zog - that’s a brilliant name, isn’t it?

Apparently he was president/king of Albania between the wars (i’m not entirely clear on which sort of Head of State he was as I was distracted by an email about cake, but the safe money is on King, unless by some freakish coincidence that was his first name, like Elvis). Not only did he have a cool name, he also survived 55 assassination attempts. I’m informed that Castro survived about 600 or so, but lots of those were really dumb CIA plots, like introducing genetically modified cats into Cuba, on the off-chance that he might get licked by a poisonous kitten. Shit like that.
No, Zog dealt with PROPER assassins, with guns and bombs and shit, and not only did he avoid them all, he actually bagged a few of them himself! Now THAT’S a proper fuck-off King right there. I guess there is the possibility that he was a bit mental:

“Sire, you appear to have shot someone”
“Yes – assassin”
“My Lord, that is the seventeenth this week, are you quite sure? He looks like a milkman to me”
“Yes, they’re getting cunning”

But, like, what are the chances of that?

Anyway, I got to thinking, maybe this is what we need NOW. We’ve all clearly had enough of these immoral, suited liars that we keep winding up with at the moment, so let’s get a proper King in, one who’s ready to go twatting people with a scimitar, give him a shit-hot name like Zog, and then give him the power instead. Then he goes out, tells people what’s what, and generally sorts it all the fuck out. It’s a plan brilliant in its simplicity.

Well, I’d vote for him, anyway.